I should have known what I was getting into when I started dating Holly. I mean, any girl who will get close to literally kicking a customer out the front door has to have an issue or two, right?

A few weeks after we had first gone out, I picked her up on a Friday from work. After we had chatted for a little while and agreed that Wafflehouse two nights in a row wasn’t healthy, we made our way to Café Yoko’s.

She accepted it with a gracious nod. “Thanks. How much was it.”

I seated myself across from her and put my beer on the table. “Don’t worry about it.”

She regarded me with just a hint of irritation. “I can pay for my own coffee, you know.”

I rolled my eyes. We had done this dance every time we came here. “Then buy the next round. It’s not a big deal.”

“Fine. I will,” she told me. I shrugged and took a drink from my pint glass. If she wanted to pay the price of a beer for a cup of coffee, that was her business. “So,” she said after she had ruined a perfectly good cup of coffee with cream and sugar. “What’s the real reason you wear sunglasses all the time?”

I raised an eyebrow at her, though I doubt she could see it. “I told you, I broke my normal pair and this is all I have left in my prescription.”

“Sure they are,” she agreed, letting me feel her sarcasm. Then she gave me a small smile. “Please. We’ve known each other for over a month now, and I’ve yet to see you without those sunglasses. You’re not going to tell me your optometrist still has them back ordered, are you?”

“Well, glasses are expensive. And I’m not exactly working with much income right now. You have seen my car, right?”

She gave me a skeptical look. “I don’t buy that one either.” When I didn’t say anything, she scowled, irritated. “C’mon! What could possibly drive you to wear your sunglasses everywhere you go?”

I gave her a cryptic smile. “Privileged information.”

Her mouth twisted a little. “Fine. Be that way.” Then she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “But I warn you, I’ll find out soon enough.”

I took a quick drink before answering. “I’m sure you will.”

“I will. Just you wait.” She went silent, staring at me thoughtfully, unconsciously tracing patterns in the water from her glass. “It’s not some stupid macho thing like you think it’ll help you in a fight, is it?”

“No…” I answered, frowning at her. “Where’d you get that idea?”

She flushed a little. “Nowhere. Just… My ex-boyfriend always wore sunglasses all the time, too. He said he wore them so that if he got in a fight, they couldn’t see his eyes.”

“Sunglasses, huh.” I considered it briefly, then glanced at her over my beer. “Sounds like a jack-ass.”

“He was,” she agreed readily.

I gave a dry laugh. “Really? Is that why you broke up with him?”

She shook her head. “No.” She paused. “Actually, he broke up with me… It was a messy break-up and I took it pretty hard. I spent most of the year afterwards in near-depression.” She gave a bitter laugh. “I got over it, though.”

“So if he was a jack-ass, why were you so hung up on him?”

Her eyes snapped back up to mine and she glared. “It took me a year to figure out he was a jack-ass, okay?”

“All right, all right,” I said.

“Sorry… I doubt you really wanted to hear about my past loves, did you.”

So are you here for me? Or the sunglasses? “No, no, it’s fine. I mean, that wouldn’t have been my choice in conversation, but that’s no problem.”

She laughed. A rich, playful laugh. “Then what do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know, something more current? You have any boyfriends?”

“Nope,” she answered. I had figured as much, but I wanted to be certain. “What about you?” she countered. “Any girls you’re seeing?”

“Nah. Haven’t really dated anyone since college.”

“And why would that be?” she teased. “Can’t find the right girl?”

“More like I can’t find the time.”

“Oh come on! If you wanted it badly enough, you could find it.” She gave me a smug grin. “Or maybe you just haven’t found a girl yet who was worthy of a precious hour of your time.”

“Maybe,” I said, then took a drink to give me an excuse not to say anything else.

“Anyway, what do you want to do after…” She trailed off and her eyes narrowed at something over my shoulder. “Him!”

“Who?” I asked, turning around. Her ex, maybe?

“Hold on.” She got up, not even noticing I had said anything. “I’ll be right back.” As I watched, she marched purposely up to a lone man in a suit ordering a drink at the counter. I couldn’t tell if it was her ex or not. He wasn’t wearing sunglasses, but maybe he was just another boyfriend she had yet to tell me about. Whoever he was, he had met Holly before, because when he saw her striding so purposely towards him, the look on his face went from confusion to recognition to out-right fear. He took a few step backwards, tripped over someone’s feet, and then fell flat on his ass, knocking several drinks out of people’s hands and all over his suit. The only thing he could do was look up and blink as Holly stood over him.

Without a word, she reached over, grabbed his beer from the top of the counter, then promptly dumped it over his head. It was mostly a pointless action since her ex, or whoever he was, was already more or less soaked. She clanked the glass back down, then turned and marched back to her seat across from me, an utterly satisfied smile on her face.

I looked at her, looked at the guy, then looked back to her, considering. “Remind me never to piss you off… Was that him?”

My words brought her back from whatever ecstasy she had found from completely humiliating the guy. “Huh? Who?”

“Your ex-boyfriend?”

She burst out laughing. “No, no…. He came by for ice-cream this afternoon and was a total ass-hole.”

I just looked at her, shocked for a second, and started laughing myself. “Wait… wait a minute! You mean all he did was piss you off at Baskin Robbin’s?”

She straightened up a bit. “He went off on one of our 15 year olds,” she answered primly. “The poor boy was pale for the whole shift afterwards. And that jerk’s only reason was that he didn’t think he had gotten enough ice cream. What?”

“Nothing, nothing.” I answered, lifting my sun-glasses up just enough to wipe my eyes. “It’s just… Well, like I said. Remind me never to piss you off.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Am I supposed to take that as an insult or a compliment?”

“However you want to,” I answered, then glanced over at the mess around the counter. “But we might want to consider leaving pretty quick.”

She followed my eyes, then let out a laugh. “Yeah, I suppose so. Did you want to take me home.”

I finished my beer and then grinned at her. “Actually, I was wondering if you might want to go home with me.”

She looked slightly taken aback. “And finally meet this infamous room-mate of yours?”

I shrugged. “Well, you’ll have to eventually, I imagine.”

“True,” she agreed, blushing a little.

“Anyways…” I indicated the staff, who were mopping up the mess at the counter and glaring at us, “we should probably get going. Now.”



Tony and Guido always managed to show up at the worst possible times, usually when I’m in a hurry and about leave. So right on schedule, after I had spent ten minutes debating about whether I should get another beer or just go home, they appeared. Before I could sneak out, Tony saw me.

“Hey, Shades! How ya doin’?” he called from across the cafe. He more or less shoved his way past the few people standing between me and him.

“Hi,” I said, forcing myself to be polite.

His grin broadened even more. Tony probably couldn’t have detected the strain in my voice if I had yelled at him. “Haven’t seen you here in a while, at least not alone. Where’s your girl?”

I winced slightly. “You mean Holly?”

“Yeah,” Tony said, “the spunky chick.”

“Avoiding me.” I don’t think I could have said that politely if I had wanted to.

“Ah,” he said, giving me a knowing nod. “Playing hard to get.”

I glared at him, but I didn’t feel like continuing the conversation. “So where’s Guido?”

“Getting the drinks.” He noticed my empty glass. “You want anything?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“C’mon, Shades. Don’t give me that. Since when do you get just one drink? Or even three, for that matter. Guido!” he yelled across the room. “Get another one.” He didn’t check to see if he had been heard. Hell, I don’t think it even occurred to him that he might not have been.

Tony sat down across from me. He took out a cigarette and offered me one, but I waved it away. He shrugged slightly, then lit his up. He took a drag, then blew the smoke out, banging the ash off the tip. “So,” he said conversationally, “Holly’s playing hard to get all of a sudden?”

I gave him a look like he was crazy. “No,” I explained, “she’s avoiding me. As in, she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

“Nah. No girl does that.”

“Well, this one is. As in, taking off from work so she can avoid me.”

“Hmm…” Tony thought for a second, pulling from his cigarette. “What’d you do, cheat on her? I’ve lost a chick or two like that. They take it personally, or something.” He sat back in his chair, making himself more comfortable. “The thing you gotta understand is, girls, they take a lot of things personally. Like calling their friends ‘bitches’, or not phoning them. Even forgetting their birthday or anniversary or something pisses them off. It’s like, I’ve got 366 other days to worry about. How am I supposed to remember that that particular one is special? But cheating on them?” He shook his head. “Nothing makes ‘em mad like that. Still haven’t figured that one out.”

He gave me a respectful grin. “Damn, Shades! I didn’t think you had it in you! It’s just like my Uncle Louie always told me: ‘You have to fool around on your girl-friend to fool around on your enemies’ or something like that.” Tony spent some time thinking again. “But you know, I never quite figured out what he meant by that.”

I rolled my eyes, but didn’t feel like fixing the old saying in Tony’s convoluted mind. Instead, “I didn’t cheat on her.”

Tony looked at me blankly. “You didn’t?”

“I didn’t.”

I could see Tony thinking again. “Then did you forget her anniversary?”

I ground my knuckles against my forehead. “We weren’t even dating, dammit!”

Tony stared at me for a good thirty seconds before answering. I was wondering if he would give me some kind of new enlightenment. Instead I got, “You weren’t?”

“No, we weren’t.”

“So why’d you spend so much time with her?”

“Maybe because I liked to? Or aren’t we allowed to be platonic?”

“Okay, okay… So now she’s avoiding you?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm… You know what you need to do, Shades?” Tony said suddenly. “You need to buy her a few dozen roses. Then you need to go by her house and sit on her doorstep, waiting for her. And then, when she gets home, you need to stand up and shove them into her hands and say, ‘I love you! I need you back. I’ll never do – whatever it is you did – again.’”

I gave Tony a long look. “Done that a lot, I take it?”

“Yup,” Tony answered with a nod. “It works at least three times on every girl. A fourth or a fifth if she’s really into it.”

“And what if that doesn’t work.”

“It will.”

“For the sake of argument here, let’s say it doesn’t, okay? Let’s say it just makes her madder. What then?”

Tony considered that for a moment. “Well, is she any good in bed?”

“I don’t know. Didn’t I just tell you we weren’t dating?”

“Well…” Tony seemed torn about what he wanted to say. “In that case, you try the rose thing and if it doesn’t work, just get rid of her.” Tony shook his head fatefully. “A girl that bitchy just isn’t worth it.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“No problem,” he answered cheerily.

“So that’s it?” I asked him,wishing I had another beer.

Tony frowned, realizing he hadn’t really helped me. “I just don’t know what else to tell you.”

Big surprise there. “Yeah, well, I don’t either.” I couldn’t keep the disgust out of my voice. “It was just a joke. And she took it personally.”

“Women do that,” Tony said sagely, going back to contemplating his cigarette.

I nodded. “Yeah they do.” Holly hadn’t taken it as a joke. She had heard something in it that she wasn’t supposed to, something I hadn’t meant. And it hardly seemed fair that she wouldn’t at least let me explain before she shut me out. For not the first time in the past two weeks, I found myself wishing I had been more careful with my words. I hate losing people, especially for something as small as a bad joke.

Tony had finished his cigarette and was quashing it out of existence. “Well, you could always ask the guy in the back.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why does everyone swear on this guy?”

“He’s smart,” Tony said seriously. “Real smart. He makes me feel stupid sometimes.”

Oh, that’d be hard. Out loud, I said, “But don’t you have to buy him a pizza or something?”

Tony shrugged. “This late? I bet a beer would do it. Guido!” Tony turned around to find Guido right behind him. “Oh. Uh, we’re gonna need another beer.”

Guido blinked, looking around. “Brent here?”

“Nah. We’re going to go ask the Guru.”

Guido frowned, but before he could head back to the counter, I stood up. “Don’t worry about it. I didn’t want another anyway.” Inwardly, I frowned at myself. “So this guy can help me? You’re sure?”

Tony grinned, glad to be helpful in his own way. “If anyone can tell you what to do, he can.”

*                                                       *                                                       *

I could tell by the look in the Guru’s eyes that he didn’t like me from the start.

That was fine. I didn’t much like him, either.

“Tony. Guido.” The Guru greeted them gravely, each with a half-bow. Then his eyes focused on me. “Who is your friend?”

“This is Shades,” Tony explained hastily, actually trying to sound polite and formal. “He’s having trouble with his girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

But the Guru took no notice. “And is he the one who makes this offer of beer.”

“Yes,” Tony answered.

“I see.” The Guru turned to me and gave me a rather forced smile. “So then, tell me your story.”

Story? I thought, What the hell? Why can’t he just say ‘What’s the problem? I took a deep breath. After all, what could it hurt? “Well, you see my friend,” I emphasized the word for Tony, “has been avoiding me and…” I trailed off when I noticed the Guru was shaking his head.

“No,” he said, subtly annoyed. “I said, ‘Tell me your story.’ If you tell me what happened, I will find your problem for you.”

It took a moment to formulate an answer. “You think, for some reason, that I don’t know what my problem is?”

“No, I don’t,” he answered flatly. “You can get angry and leave if you want – But, you’ve already paid with your beer.” He shrugged to show he didn’t care one way or the other.

I ground my teeth. “You want it to start ‘Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away’ maybe?”

The Guru frowned at me again. “Maybe I should start telling it for you. So you have a friend and she’s a girl. I assume that something has happened between the two of you, otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. Now, let me make another assumption; she’s obviously a very close friend, maybe more than just a friend, otherwise Tony here wouldn’t be so insistent she’s your girlfriend.”

I didn’t say anything, just gave him a curt nod.

He gave me a smug grin. “Then let’s continue, shall we. You don’t think of her as your girlfriend, but it’s not the same with her, is it? Maybe she thinks of herself as your girlfriend? And that’s the problem right? She doesn’t understand why you’re not a couple, when you so obviously should be. So, something set her off; something that emphasized in her mind that you’re not dating? I could make some guesses; maybe you told her about some other girl you like, or maybe canceled on her one evening?” The Guru’s grin widened a bit. “Well? Would you like to tell me the rest of it?”

I stiffened a little, but kept my face as placid as I could. “Two weeks ago, I picked her up after work. We watched a movie back at the apartment and she fell asleep. I told her I probably should have just taken her home, if she was just going to pass out.” I gave him a thin smile. “She took offense to that.”

The Guru gave me a know-it-all smirk. “Just like I thought.”

“But she knows we’re not dating.”

“Sure she does.”

“She does!” I didn’t know why, but he was getting under my skin. “We’ve talked about it before. She knows I’m not looking for a relationship. She’s not looking for one either.”

“Sure, she isn’t.”

I reigned myself in. “She’s told me she isn’t.”

The Guru just looked at me and shook his head. “Tony, my friend, bring the beer over.”

“Uh, sure,” Tony said, a little surprised. He hastily brought the pint glass forward and, with a mild bow to the Guru, placed it on the table before scurrying back to where he had been standing.

The Guru took a healthy drink from the beer, savoring the taste, then deftly returned it to its place on the table beside him. “Can I ask you something?”

At first I thought he had meant Tony, then I realized he was looking at me. “You just did.”

He ignored my remark. “Is she attractive?”

That was not what I expected. “What?”

The Guru rolled his eyes. “Is she pretty? Is she sexy? Would you sleep with her?”

I glared at him, but I knew he couldn’t see anything through my sunglasses. “Yeah,” I admitted, finally.

“Then what is it? Emotional baggage? Past trauma? Mental illnesses?”

“She’s a schizo,” Tony pointed out from his spot to the side. “Well she is! Her co-workers told me.”

The Guru turned from him and looked back at me.

“She isn’t,” I answered. “They just say that. But she is an emotional basket-case. I don’t date her because I don’t feel like getting bitched out because I forgot the milk.”

“Whatever.”

“What do mean, ‘whatever?’”

The Guru shrugged. “I mean, that’s not a reason. If it mattered that much, you wouldn’t even be her friend. Look at yourself! If you were worried so much about her temper, you wouldn’t be trying to get on her good side again. But you are. So there’s a different reason that you don’t want her, isn’t there? A problem with her? Or maybe with you?”

I didn’t answer, just stood there, keeping my face as expressionless as possible. He smirked at me again. “Well, believe whatever you want. For whatever reason, you’re the one driving this wedge between the two of you. And until you get that taken care of and decided, you’re not going to solve anything.” He went silent, taking another drink from his beer.

“Wait a minute,” I said angrily. “That’s it?

The Guru looked at me, surprised I had spoken. “That’s what?”

“I mean, I bought you a drink, and all your advice is ‘you figure it out.’”

“You didn’t buy this drink, Tony did.” He laughed at my incredulous expression. “It’s his favorite kind. And no, my advice isn’t ‘figure it out.’ My advice is: ‘Be decisive.’ You have to be honest with yourself and follow what your emotions are truly telling you. Anything else, and you’re just going to find yourself alone, drinking beer, and wondering what the hell you just did. Now,” he smiled at me pleasantly, then nodded to a girl that was marching towards him, a cheesecake in hand, “I seem to have another customer. Be sure to come back with any questions.”

“Great,” I muttered, “just great. Hey, you’re lucky I didn’t pay for that beer! I’d be demanding a refund.” I turned and stalked out, a confused Tony walking out after me, followed by an annoyed Guido.

“Man,” Tony said, a little pale, “you can’t be talking to him like that. He knows everything, and-”

“Look, I have to make a call, okay? I should have been home an hour ago.”

“Uh, sure. Me and Guido’ll be out front… if you need us or anything.” A weak smile flickered on his face. “Hey, uh, I’ll see you around. And just do what he says; I promise you, it’ll work.”

I forced a smile on my face, just to re-assure him in the hopes he’d go away. “Yeah, don’t worry. I know exactly what to do.”

Tony looked at me a little uncertainly, then that stupid grin of his was plastered on his face. “See Shades? I told you he knew what he was talking about. I’ll be seein’ you.”

“Sure.” I waved good-bye as he walked off. I opened up my cell-phone, which was almost out of batteries, but dialed Holly’s number anyway. She didn’t answer, of course, but at least I got to her answering machine. “Uh, Holly. It’s me.” I stopped, uncertain of what to say. “Look, we need to talk. Give me a call, will you? I miss you.” It felt a little weird to admit that part, but maybe that’s what she wanted to hear. “Bye.”

I hung up and took a deep breath. All right then, I thought to myself. Nothing to do but wait. I slipped out the back and got in my car to drive home. For a moment, I considered dropping by an all night grocery and seeing if they had a few roses in stock, but then I decided against it.

If I didn’t hear from her by Sunday though, I might just do it.



The movie had long since finished and the DVD player shut itself off, leaving the TV with only a blue, empty screen. Holly had dozed off even before it ended, her head cradled by a cushion she had purposely put halfway on my lap. I looked down at her affectionately, then shook her lightly.

“C’mon, Holly, I’ll take you home.”

She half-pulled herself off the sofa and blinked at me a few times. Then she dove back onto the cushions, wrapping her arms tightly around her pillow.

Great, I thought ruefully. “Wake up!” I said again, shaking her.

“Mmfggh!” she mumbled through the pillow.

“What’d she say?” Brent asked blearily from the table in the kitchen. He had extracted himself from his room since he couldn’t sleep and watched the movie with us. But he looked on the verge of dozing off at this point.

“I think that was a ‘No, I’m not going anywhere!’” I answered. I gave an exasperated sigh. “What am I going to do with her?”

“Why not just leave her there and cover her with a blanket?” Brent yawned. “She’s not hurting anything.”

I took about a second to think about it, then answered. “You know how bitchy she is anyway. Do you really want to deal with her in the morning? Ouch!” I flinched away as Holly, apparently awake enough to defend herself, pinched me. I looked down at her, snuggled against my leg, a half smile on her face. Of course, I added to myself as I ran my hand gently through her hair, that’s one of her good points.

“Well, you can tell me about the fight in the morning. Night.” Brent trudged off to the bathroom.

He turned the light out and the TV off, but I didn’t move. After a few minutes I heard the toilet flush and the door to his room creak open, but still, I didn’t move. It was really kind of nice, sitting there in the dark, Holly beside me, completely silent except for her breathing. But it was almost five in the morning, and even I was getting tired.

“You awake?” I whispered.

Holly didn’t even murmur a response, too fast asleep to even notice.

The hell with it, I thought. Gently, I rolled her over and, one arm under her shoulder and the other under her knees, I picked her up. She muttered something incoherent and tightened her grip on the cushion. “You can keep it.” I said softly, walking her to my bed.

*                                                                           *                                                                        *

“Hey.”

I pried one eye open to find Holly’s face right beside mine.

“Morning,” she said, smiling gently.

I groaned and sat up. “What time is it?”

“Almost noon. I’m hungry.” She put her hands on her hips. I noticed she had slept in one of my t-shirts. “You didn’t have to sleep on the couch, you know.”

“Well, you had the bed.”

“So? Lots of friends sleep together. Uh… I mean,” she stuttered, before I could get a smart remark in, “sleep in the same bed. Like on road trips and at conventions and stuff. And nothing happens. Especially,” she added, “if they sleep in their clothes.”

I straightened my rumpled shirt. “Whatever.”

“Anyway, can we get something to eat already?”

I rolled my eyes. “Look, its way too early to be talking about breakfast. Can’t you just go back to sleep.”

“Look,” she answered, “some of us are diurnal.”

I frowned, but she had me there. “Tell you what; why don’t you go take a shower, and you can wake me up when you’re done. You know where the towels are, right?”

“Hmmph!” she said. I couldn’t tell whether she was actually mad or just pretending to be. “Fine, I guess I’ll go take my hot shower then.”

I watched her walk off and then rolled over, closing my eyes again. “By the way,” she called from the hallway. “You better be up when I get out or I’ll pour cold water on you.”

Holly didn’t pour cold water on me, which was good. What she did do was to drag me, quite literally, off the sofa. I think she would have even dragged me to the shower, had I let her.

Breakfast was a sticky matter. There was nothing in the refrigerator, and most places stopped serving breakfast sometime around ten. I wasn’t about to risk Waffle House, so we ended up at Marty’s Diner, a questionable establishment I’d normally avoid, and ordered lunch. She got some kind of soup and salad, barely enough food, and I ordered a hamburger, the cheapest thing they had on the menu.

“See,” she said, once the waiter left, giving me her most charming smile. “I’m not bitchy in the morning.”

“Oh… You mean you remember that?” I said, feeling a little nervous. Well hell, she didn’t seem mad. “Well, from the way you act at Baskin Robbins…

She waved her hand. “That’s BR, and those are BR customers, whose IQ’s apparently drop about a hundred points when they order ice cream.”

I couldn’t help but grin at her. “How in the world do you not get fired?”

She shrugged. “Nothing big. Whenever anyone complains, whoever answers just tells them I’m a schizophrenic, and that BR is supporting a movement to get the mentally ill into the workplace. Then they just feel too guilty to keep complaining.”

I laughed out loud. “And they let you get away with this?”

She looked a little embarrassed. “Well, I am a manager. And besides, we all agree they deserve it.” I gave her a skeptical look. “Anyway,” she said, sensing she was on unstable ground, “how’d the movie end?”

I grinned. “What? And spoil it for you? Why’d you fall asleep before it ended?”

She shrugged, but her face turned red. “I was comfortable.”

You mean using me for a pillow? I gave her a smug grin. “ ‘They lived happily ever after.’ ”

“I know that; that’s how all stories end. I want to know how it happened. So he wasn’t dead?”

I leaned back in my chair and kept the grin on my face.

“Tell me,” she complained. “So was he just faking, what?”

I gave her a shrug. She glared at me. “Well, you should have stayed awake,” I said, nonchalantly.

“I was tired.” She faked a sulk, tracing patterns in the water from her glass onto the table. “And you were comfortable.”

“That’s hardly and excuse,” I teased. “Maybe I should have just taken you home.”

Her finger hesitated. When she spoke, she didn’t look back up, but it sounded like her smile was gone. “Yeah, maybe I should have just gone home.”

The catch in her voice made me pause. Did I say something wrong, I wondered. Aloud, I forced a laugh, trying to make a joke. “I mean, if you were just going to fall asleep on me…” I didn’t finish the punch line. “Holly?”

She looked up at me. Her eyes glistened and her mouth was tight.

“Is something wrong?”

She shook her head. “No, no. I’m fine.”

She wasn’t fine, obviously, but it didn’t seem like she was going to tell me what the problem was. I went back to focusing on my water, waiting for her to say something. She didn’t, just kept looking at the table, tracing water with her finger, until the food came. Then, at least, I had the meal to focus on, but she still hadn’t spoken. By the time I finished lunch, I was tired of the silence. “Holly…” I began.

“What?” she snapped at me. I bit back what I was going to say. Holly gave me her worst glare. “Well?”

“Nothing,” I muttered under my breath. Dammit girl, pick an emotion!

She went back to stabbing at her salad. Me, I just watched in confusion until I caught the waiter’s attention and signaled for the check. He brought it by and dumped it on the table. “I’ll get it,” I said, standing up.

“No,” she said suddenly, reaching over. I looked at her, surprised. “No, I’ll pay for mine.” Now she sounded contrite. What the hell? And why would she suddenly be throwing down money? We usually just traded off who paid.

The ride home was just as awkward as the meal. I briefly considered going back to my apartment and forcing her to talk, but then decided that would probably only make things worse, as stubborn as she is. When we got to her apartment complex, I parked the car and shut it off. When she reached for the door I hit the lock button. She stopped, surprised, then looked over at me.

“Do you mind explaining to me what the problem is?” she didn’t say anything, and I was getting angry. “Look, if it’s about the comment about taking you home…

She shook her head. “No, no that wasn’t it.”

“Look, it was a joke.”

“That wasn’t it,” she said again.

“Then what the hell was it!” I actually shouted. I don’t think I’ve ever actually been mad at her enough to shout before.

“I… I…” Her countenance crumbled, and I saw a few tears fall before she unlocked the door and bolted.

I watched her flee to her door, then I re-started my car and drove back home.

Well, shit. I thought.

“Oh, come on!” Holly sputtered out. She hadn’t stopped laughing since I hustled her into the car. “That was funny!”

I didn’t answer. She didn’t really want me to.

“Don’t get mad!” she pressed.

“Who’s mad?” And I wasn’t just covering myself. I was a little annoyed, but I’d found a while ago that the best thing to do after a run in with an ass-hole was to simply let it go. It wasn’t like Holly had even given him the time of day. “Christ,” I said. “There’s just no place get food after midnight anymore!”

“If you don’t like it, why don’t we just go to Waffle House?”

I looked at her from the corner of my eye, but no, she wasn’t making a bad joke. “We can’t,” I reminded her. “Not without getting coffee poured in my lap.”

“What do you… Oh, right. That.”

“Yes. That.”

“But still… It’s been what, two months?”

“Just about, yeah.”

“And they’re still angry? Seriously, that’s unreasonable.”

I smirked. Holly’s one to talk about people being ‘unreasonable’. “Well,” I admitted, “they do have a right to be. After all, it was just the one waiter that pissed me off.”

“But for two months?”

“For some things,” I explained, “there is no forgiveness.”

Holly leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms. She probably figured I was being unreasonable, too.

“So,” I asked finally, “am I taking you home?”

She waited a moment before answering. “Nah. I’m not tired yet. Let’s go back to your place and do something.”

“Fair enough,” I said, pulling the car out of the parking-lot. She had stopped laughing and was now just smiling happily. I was actually wondering what kind of scene we’d walk into when we got there. Brent took to Fridays like a cat to water. Since it was the prime dating night, all it did was remind him that he had broken up with his girlfriend and he inevitably spent the night contemplating how pathetic he was. Generally, he was either crying, drunk, or trying to kill himself before it was over.

When we got to the apartment, I gently shut the car off and sat for a moment. I noticed Brent’s car, parked a few spaces from mine, and wondered if it wouldn’t be better to just head back to Café Yoko’s. Holly noticed my moment’s hesitation. “Wanting a few moments privacy before we go in?” she asked suggestively.

I looked over at her and considered it for a moment. Then I gave her a loose grin. “Actually, I was wondering just what kind of show Brent’ll have going on up there.”

Her laugh came out with a slight catch in it, then she stepped out of the car. “Well, only one way to find out, right? After all, he needs an audience.”

I pulled myself out of the car and followed. The door was locked, which was a little strange. We weren’t in the safest part of town but we hardly needed the door locked at all times. I looked back at Brent’s car to double check, but yes, it was his license plate. Hell, maybe Dan had dropped by and dragged Brent off on one of his “adventures”.

I pushed open the door, stepped in, and then paused. The apartment was deathly quiet and almost completely black. The TV in the main room was on, but its light only reached the sofa directly across from it, and if the sound was on at all it was too low to hear. For a moment, the place almost felt unearthly.

I shook the thought aside and flicked the light switch on.

“Ow, bright!” Holly complained, stepping in behind me.

I didn’t say anything, still a little unnerved by how abandoned the house had seemed. It’d been a while since I came home on a Friday evening to find it this quiet. The last time had been on one of Brent and Amy’s better nights. “Anyway,” I said, stepping into the kitchen, “you want a soda or something?”

“Sure,” Holly answered.

“Okay.” I went to the table to get a dirty glass to wash when I noticed that part of the it had been cleared off, and in the middle of the clean spot was a bottle of pain killers. Its top was off and it was lying haphazardly on its side.

It was empty. Beside it, written in jagged letters, was a note that said, “We’re out of Advil.”

I felt a part of myself freeze up. “Oh, shit.”

“What is it?” Holly asked following me into the kitchen. Then she noticed the note, too. “Oh my god….” she whispered. “He didn’t…”

“Shit,” I muttered again, almost knocking Holly down as I darted past her. “Shit, shit, shit! Brent!” As I ran down the hallway, I couldn’t get the image of him out of my mind. Lying on his bed, eyes wide and vapid, staring at nothing as his heart slowly began to freeze up. Why the hell didn’t I believe him this time? Why didn’t I come home sooner? I should have known not to leave him on his own. “Dammit Brent!” I snarled and burst through his door.

Brent sat up, still wrapped in sheets, squinting at me. “What?” he asked, sounding groggy and a little dazed.

I stared back at him in surprise. “The Advil?”

“Right,” he said, sounding genuinely pissed. “I bought the last bottle, so you can buy this one. Now can I get back to my migraine?”

“Uh, sure,” I answered, then stepped out and closed the door behind me.

Holly gave me an anxious look. “Is he all right?”

“Yeah,” I answered, feeling the shock wearing off. I stepped around her, back towards the kitchen. “The little shit even has to be dramatic about his shopping lists.”

So once she finished up at work, Holly and I decided to go to Café Yoko’s for dinner. I don’t know why. Café Yoko’s is a shit place to take a date. Not because of the food, or the atmosphere, but the clientèle. And not all of them, really, just a couple of dicks. But its bad enough to ruin a good time.

So we were sitting there, not really talking, each of us thinking our own thoughts. She kept looking over at me with an I-just-ate-the-canary kind of grin, and I was toggling between figuring that out and figuring out whether or not I should quit my job and start looking for a new, and hopefully better, one.

I got tired of contemplating my beer and looked up at her. She was watching me, lazily tracing circling in the condensation on the table. When she noticed, she gave me a playful smile. “So… watcha thinking about?”

I looked back down, a little embarrassed. “Nothing. Why do you ask?”

“Really?” she asked, leaning forward, like it was some kind of a game.

“Yes, real-” I stopped when I noticed there was a guy standing over me. He seemed like he wanted to say something. “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, do you have a piece of paper?”

“Like a notebook sheet or something?”

“Just something to write on.” The guy sounded a little nervous. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Sure.” I dug around in my coat pocket until I found a left-over receipt and pulled it out. I smoothed it a little and handed it to him.

“Thanks,” he said, and then turned around and began scribbling on it.

“Anyways,” I said, “there’s nothing wrong wi-”

The guy was standing over me again. “Here,” he said, holding the paper out for Holly. She looked at it perplexed. “It’s my number. Baby, just call whenever you need some loving.”

Holly flushed several shades of red; I wasn’t certain if it was outrage or embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” she said stiffly, “but I’m here on a date with my boyfriend.”

Who’s your boyfriend? I thought but didn’t say it.

The guy shrugged his shoulders. “Hey, it doesn’t matter. Just give me a call when you’re tired of that loser. I’ve always got time for a lady.” She glared at him. “Oh, c’mon, baby, don’t be like that.” She kept glaring. “Fine, but you don’t know what you’re missing, bitch.”

She kept glaring until he disappeared down the hallway. “I can’t believe him!” she said angrily, hitting the table with the palm of her hand. “I mean seriously, what the hell was that?”

“A bad pickup line?”

She frowned. “You’re no fun tonight, you know that?”

“Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

“And what would that be?” she asked, wide-eyed and innocent.

“It’s about,” I began, then I noticed another guy standing over me. “Dammit, what now?”

“Do you have some paper I can borrow?”

I looked at him, eyes narrowed. “You’re not going to write your phone number on it and hand it to her, are you?”

The guy laughed. “Hell no, man, I’ve got more class than that.”

“Fine, then.” I said, fishing around again in my coat pocket. This time I found a part of a flier some religious nut had handed me. “Here.” I gave the guy the whole thing. “Anyway,” I turned back to Holly, still not certain how much to tell her. “It’s nothing big, its ju- What?”

The guy was standing over the table with a corner of the flier in his hand.

“Why don’t you hurry up and hand her the damn thing?” I said through gritted teeth.

He grinned and put the scrap down in front of me. “When you’re sick of dealing with women, just give me a call and I’ll show you how a woman will never really satisfy you.” The guy turned and walked off, leaving us both a little surprised.

So I chugged my beer and in five minutes we were back in the car.

I first met Holly shortly after starting my second shift job, which let off at 9:30. So there I was, driving home, feeling hungry, pissed, and generally considering not going back.

And then, out of the corner of my eye, lo and behold, I saw a Baskin Robbins.

Hell, I thought to myself, ice cream sort of counts as food.

So I pulled up, parked the car, and leaped out, determined to make it through the door before they locked it.

As I ran in, three minutes to close, I noticed there was a cute red-head behind the counter holding keys in her hand. And giving me a look like she wanted to kill me.

“Hi,” I said, a little out of breath.

“We’re closed.”

Ouch. “Oh, c’mon, it’s not ten yet.”

“It might as well be.”

“But it isn’t.”

“Look, if I serve you, then I’m going to have a horde of maniacs wanting ice-cream after we’re closed for… for why ever the hell they want ice-cream.”

“Kinky sex.”

The girl’s eyes widened. She had certainly never heard that from a customer. “What?”

“It’s the middle of the night. Couples are probably getting ice-cream so they can have kinky sex. Me, I just got off work and I’d like something to eat.”

The girl wavered a little. It was a minute to ten now, but she was having trouble arguing about it. She was still considering getting rid of me, but seemed to be having second thoughts.

So I pushed her a little. “Look, you want me out of here, I want me out of here. So why not just give me a,” I glanced at the menu for a second, “a sundae and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

She thought about it for a second, then stepped around and locked the door behind me. “Fine,” she said, actually smiling. “But just for you and just this once.” She turned around to yell at her co-workers. “Shut the drive-thru down. We’re closed!”

“Thank you,” I said. It never hurt to be civil.

“Right, right. Did you want vanilla on that?”

“Whatever. Just pick two you like.”

She looked at me for a second, then gave me a smug smile and shook her head, moving to a different cabinet. “So,” she asked, digging out two scoops of something orange, “should I expect you here often?”

I shrugged. “You’re the first fast food place on the way home. Maybe.”

“We’re not fast food, you know.”

“You have a drive-thru, don’t you?”

“So?”

“That kind of says, ‘fast food.’”

“Whatever.” She finished scooping the ice cream, put some hot fudge, whip cream, nuts and a cherry on it, then brought it to the front. “$3.25.”

“Kind of pricey for two scoops, don’t you think?”

“It’s two really good scoops.”

“Sure it is,” I said, pulling out the cash to pay for it.

“Anyway,” she said as she gave me my change, “I’m on shift tomorrow, so if you drop by, I’ll be here.”

“Even after ten?”

She grinned a little. “Don’t push your luck. Now get out of here, I have to do the money.” She unlocked the door and let me out. “We’re closed!” she shouted to the two people getting out of their car, then slammed the door and locked it as quickly as possible.

I didn’t find out her name was Holly until the next day, when I went back to complain that she had given me two scoops of Orange sherbet in my hot fudge sundae.



So I pulled up to Baskin Robbins five minutes before closing time.

I love doing this.

The drive-thru speaker crackled to life. “Welcome to Baskin Robbins. May I take your order please?” I could tell by the girl’s voice that she really wanted me to go away; or at least order something quick and easy. But what fun would that be?

“Yeah, can you give me a minute?”

“Sure, take all the time you need.”

I counted out two minutes, slowly. “Okay, I think I got it.”

“Go ahead.”

“Alright, I need a Pina-Colata smoothie, large size.” They didn’t have that one anymore. If the girl was new she’d be looking helplessly at the manager. “And then I need a Strawberry-Banana smoothie. Make that one a regular.”

“Alright, your total is-”

“Hold on, I have more.”

Stunned silence. This late at night, two, not one, but two of the most complicated drinks on the menu was more than enough.

“And,” I continued, “I need a brownie a la mode. Do I get to choose my ice-creams?”

“Yes sir, you do.” I could practically hear her patience splintering.

“Great. Could I get a scoop of vanilla and…” Wait a good thirty seconds. “Make it two scoops of vanilla.” The flavors it came with anyway. “And then I need a banana split. Can I choose those flavors, too?”

“Yes,” she grated out. She’d crack soon. Any second now, I’d be hearing profanities.

“Great! Can I get chocolate, strawberry, and…” Wait another twenty seconds, just long enough for them to decide the dumb-ass was going to order vanilla and start scooping it. “And then a scoop of Jamoca Almond Fudge.”

“Okay,” the poor girl was making one last valiant attempt to stay polite. “Please, pull around for your total.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” I complained. “Don’t I get to choose my toppings?”

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry…” She sounded close to my tears.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” I tried to sound angry. “I want to speak with the manager.”

The box went silent and when it came back to life, it was Holly and she sounded pissed. “And a good evening to you, too, you bastard.”

“Hi!” I called cheerfully.

“Like I already don’t have enough to deal with, without you showing up and harassing us!”

“That took longer than usual. Is that girl new?”

“Yes, she is. It’s her first day in fact.”

“Oh, c’mon, I just wanted some ice cream.”

“Sure you did. Just pull around already. I’m making you buy those smoothies, by the way.”

I chuckled and drove around. There was still a car at the window when I got there, so she probably had a right to be upset. Once it left, I took its place. As I did, I noticed Holly was still yelling angrily at the speaker. “The joke’s over, so will you just pull around already? I don’t have time for you to dick around!” She looked over and did a double take when she saw me. She thought for a moment, ignoring the warbling voice on the other end, then clicked the speaker back on. “Wait, you’re not him, are you?”

“No,” the male voice answered. “That’s what I’ve been trying-”

Holly exploded. “Then why the hell are you getting ice-cream in the middle of the night, dumb-ass? There’s a Kroger a block away, so why don’t you go get your goddamn chocolate there and get the hell out of my drive-thru! We’re closed.”

“Now wait just a second lady-” the voice began angrily.

“Oh, go screw yourself!” she said, then clicked the speaker off.

She looked at me with an exhausted sigh. “Some people!” she said.

I usually don’t have a problem with Christmas shopping. My parents are easy to shop for; I could get them a stuffed mongoose and they’d like it. My brother and sister are easy, too. I get them a shirt or something and just let them return it for something they actually want. I had already gotten Brent’s gift. He was never that hard to shop for, but I had gotten lucky this year and found his present almost by accident. So that left me stuck on one person: Holly.

And that was why I ended up at a jewelry store looking for something that ran for under thirty dollars. After all, jewelry was always a winner with girls, right?

“Excuse me sir, can I help you?” a voice asked.

I looked over at the girl. She was dressed as a store attendant, giving me a genuinely polite grin. Something you don’t see a lot during Christmas.

“Yeah, I guess. I’m trying to pick out a gift for a girl.”

“Oh!” She sounded excited. “Girlfriend?”

“Well, no, not really.”

“Oh,” she said, sounding a lot less excited. “A relative then?”

“No, not that either.”

“So,” she said, sounding confused, “just a friend?”

“Yeah.”

She paused, torn between wanting to say something and wanting to sell me something. Finally, she decided on the latter. “Well, we have these over here. How much were you thinking of spending? Ten, fifteen dollars?”

Oh, c’mon. I’m not that cheap. “Actually, I was hoping to spend around thirty.”

“Oh.” She brightened a little. “Well, we have this selection over here.”

She pointed to a section of the cabinet. It was filled with a variety of pieces, some of them running for a little over $30, all fairly nice. But honestly, I didn’t really like any of them. I looked up at the girl. “These are kind of extravagant, don’t you think?”

She considered. “Were you looking for something in particular?”

“Well, yeah. I need a gift that says something.”

“Like what?”

“I need a gift that says we’re not dating, but I still kind of like you. But we’re not dating.”

“What?”

“She’s a really nice girl, but if I give her something too nice, she’ll think we’re dating.”

“If you give her any jewelry, she’ll think you’re dating. Why don’t you give her a pair of socks or something?”

I scowled at the girl. “Because I know she’ll like jewelry and won’t like socks.”

She scowled right back at me. “I just don’t think it’s the right gift if your message is, ‘We’re not dating.’”

“But I don’t… Look, do you want to sell me jewelry or not?”

“Not if you’re using it to string the poor girl along!”

“But she deserves a nice gift.”

She crossed her arms and gave me an annoyed look. “Are you dating this girl or not?”

I felt my cheeks go red and was glad she couldn’t see my eyes. “Fine,” I said, turning around, “I’ll go shop somewhere else.”

“Come again,” the girl said sweetly as I stepped out.

Whatever, I thought.

Well, so much for that idea. I could get her a shirt, or pants, or something generic, but I didn’t want to just grab something so she could take it back. It’d be nice if it was something more personable.

I managed to shove my way into a crowded Gap, but everything I liked was out of my price range. I did find one shirt I thought would look good on her, but there were only two on the rack and I wasn’t certain about her size. I checked the Limited, too, and didn’t find anything better. I didn’t even try to get into Banana Republic.

After an hour of finding absolutely nothing, I decided to grab something to eat and take a break. Naturally, all the tables at the food court were filled, so after spending twenty minutes in line to get a lousy hamburger I had to go find a spot against the wall to lean on. Did I mention I hate the mall this time of year?

I finished my hamburger in short order, but didn’t return to the hunt immediately, just took a few minutes to watch the crowds of people bustle past. Why didn’t I just get her a nice piece of jewelry? And if she made some stupid assumption about what was going on between us because of it, that was her problem.

But I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Holly, or that she was unattractive, but I just wasn’t certain what to do with her. She was three years younger than me and at least a little obsessed. That was complimentary and I couldn’t complain, but I didn’t want to be stuck in this city for the rest of my life. I doubted she’d want to move just because I got tired of living here, and definitely not before she finished school. And anyways, if we did start dating and it went wrong, we’d never be friends again.

I realized I was staring blankly at a window advertisement of a woman in her underwear. Well, hell, I thought, I could just bite the bullet and buy her some lingerie. Except I didn’t know what would happen if I did, and I didn’t think I was ready to deal with the consequences either way.

I stopped thinking about it, threw the hamburger wrappings in the garbage, and walked on.

One hour. Plus the one I had already spent made two. So, two hours. Two hours I spent looking for one lousy gift and hadn’t found anything. By that time I was too sick of the mall to care and was wondering whether or not it would be considered tacky if I just bought her a quart of ice cream from the Baskin Robbins where she worked.

But as I fought my way out of the mall, I noticed something golden hanging from a rack at Dillard’s. I made my way towards it and realized it was one of several lockets looped around a wire frame. I picked one of them and popped it open. It was hollow inside, but you could probably glue in a picture if you wanted. It was light weight, and looked like it was pretty good quality. I considered it for a second, then gave it a succinct nod. Holly actually had pictures of her family in her wallet. She’d love something like this. It was only fifteen dollars, but I figured I had spent a good two hours hunting for it, so it should even out.

Besides, it was the thought that counted.